Falling Away With You
by alwaysbringback-up
Summary: What if there had been more to the clinical trial than Meredith had originally led on? The secret of her intentions is revealed. A three shot that takes place after confrontation between the two in the last episode of season four! Will be Meredith/Derek
1. Falling Away With You

_**A/N: Okay so yeah...I know I'm nuts. That last thing I need is yet another story. But frankly...it should be okay cause this is just a two or three shot. The idea of the story comes from the season four finale. What if there had been more to the clinical trial than meets the eye. What kind of chaos would have ensued then. And what happens when Derek finds out. **_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own grey's or any of its characters!**_

_**Falling Away With You**_

_**Chapter 1  
**_

Meredith tried desperately to match Derek's stride as he stormed through the halls of Seattle Grace's surgical floor. As they approached the nurse's station after Jeremy's surgery, tensions were higher than ever between them. They had just delivered the devastating news to Jeremy's girlfriend, and it honestly broke both of their hearts to stand there and watch Beth break down. It was clear that Meredith and Derek were in disagreement about what to do next. As she watched the flatline take over the electrocardiogram in surgery, it was clear that Meredith's hopes had fallen further than ever before. The board made it clear that they planned to shut them down at midnight after their trial had produced twelve deaths. As she thought about the coming consequences, Meredith couldn't allow herself or Derek to give up. Not when she had put so much energy into the creation of the trial. And now, Meredith had basically exhausted everything she had left. They had one more shot left to get it right.

_**I can't remember when it was good**_

_**moments of happiness elude**_

_**maybe I just misunderstood**_

"Derek," Meredith sighed, "We'll get it right with Beth."

"She just lost the love of her life," Derek said angrily, losing patience with her, "How could you possibly encourage her to do the surgery?"

"How could you encourage her not to?" Meredith returned indignantly.

"You know?" Derek shot back, "It's not me with the big ego, it's you! You backed me into a corner. What was I supposed to do, say no?"

"Derek," Meredith sighed, losing faith. She held tightly onto the manila folder in her hand, as if her life depended on it.

"I can't," Derek, said as she slammed his chart down onto the counter, "She's a kid."

"She's a kid who is going to die without the surgery," Meredith argued, refusing to back down. She couldn't give up. Not now.

"She'll die with the surgery," Derek spoke just as angrily. He wasn't sure what he was really so angry about. "That's what you and I do. We kill things...over and over and over again. We've killed twelve people. And because of you, I am not going to kill a thirteenth. The trial is over. We're done." Meredith stared at him in disbelief as she listened to what he had to say. It hurt immensely to hear what he really thought of her...of them. "I'm done working with you," Derek said finally, "I don't want to see you. I don't want to talk to you. We're done." Meredith took a deep breath before speaking.

"So that's it," Meredith spoke softly, patiently. "That's what you think of me..."

"Meredith," Derek spoke as he took a deep breath and calmed down. He immediately regretted what he had just voiced. He knew that many of his feelings were turned inwardly. If he was honest with himself from the beginning, he would have known that he was far more angry and disappointed with himself than he was with Meredith.

"You know," Meredith breathed, "You can think whatever you want to about me. And honestly, you can say whatever you'd like to say to me, because you know that I'll just stand here and take it from you… I'm even quite good at doing it now. But Derek, that won't change the fact that there are people out there who are depending on you. There are people who are going to die without this trial. And frankly, I didn't expect you to be the kind of person to let them down. But obviously, I was wrong about you." With that Meredith turned away from him and began to walk briskly down the hall. Derek watched as Meredith chucked the manila folder she had been holding into the trash before rushing down the hall and out of sight.

_**all of the love we left behind**_

_**watching the flash backs intertwine**_

_**memories I will never find**_

As Derek stood in the scrub room preparing for surgery three hours later, he felt extremely nervous for what was about to come. Beth had declared that she wanted the surgery, and ultimately, Derek had found Meredith to be right. There was no way that he could possibly deny Beth the surgery. Not when, realistically, it was her only option. He let out a sigh as he watched Meredith wheel Beth into the Operating Room. He looked down at his hands to find they were shaking.

When he walked into the Operating Room a couple of moments later, he found himself walking up to Beth who had been positioned on the table.

"Hey," he greeted softly.

"Hey," Beth replied in a whisper.

"You know you don't have to do this," Derek found himself speaking as he looked around the room to find Meredith cowering somewhere in the back corner.

"What are you," Beth teased, "Scared?"

"Yes," Derek answered honestly.

"Me too," Beth confessed, "But let's just leap, okay?" Derek nodded. And gave the signal to the nurse who began the anesthesia.

For the next hour, Meredith watched from a distance as Derek operated. She had decided to respect his wishes. However, as time slowly ticked by, Meredith found it increasingly difficult to focus on what was going on before her. Her hear began to pound heavily in her chest as the pain in her head returned with a vile fury. Beads of sweat began to gather on her forehead and slowly roll down her cheeks as she stood in the cool operating room. She found herself wiping them away as she tried to place her thoughts elsewhere. She squinted in the dim light as she grabbed at her stomach, which had become suddenly upset. She managed to suppress a moan. Meredith felt as George inched carefully into place behind her and gently grazed her elbow.

"You okay?" she heard him whisper softly as he maintained the contact.

"Fine," Meredith lied through gritted teeth. She couldn't bear to utter more than just the one word for fear that the truth would come out. She closed her eyes as she felt the room began to spin. George was growing increasingly worried. From where had been watching her periodically from the gallery, he had noticed something wasn't quite right. He knew his friend was sick.

"Mere, Did you forget to take your pain meds?" George whispered ever more closer in her ear.

"Drop it," Meredith muttered as Derek's head turned their direction. His eyes were soft as they fell upon Meredith.

"Dr. Grey," Derek's soft voice seemed to beckon her. She took a staggered step forwards. She could tell that he wanted to reconcile with her as his eyes bore into hers. She suddenly realized that it was time to inject the virus. Meredith froze in step as a rather gruesome shooting pain overtook one side of her skull. She found her hand subconsciously grabbing at the back of her head. "Dr. Grey?" Derek tried again with a bit of confusion in his tone.

_**so I'll love whatever you become**_

_**and forget the reckless things we've done**_

_**I think our lives have just begun**_

_**I think our lives have just begun**_

Meredith took another step forwards, and immediately realized this to be a grave mistake. Her vision blurred as tears sprang to her eyes. The pain seemed to light every bit of her on fire. "Dr. Grey," Derek spoke more forcibly as he watched her. "Meredith!" Her name was the last thing Meredith heard as her knees buckled as she fell to the floor. Her knees struck the floor first before George could catch her by the arms, and lower her the rest of the way to a lifeless crumpled position on the floor.

She could hear faint yells coming from around her as George turned her over and began to check her pulse. "She's hypotensive," George bellowed as Bailey rushed in with a gurney. Derek watched in absolute horror as Rose and a few others gently lifted Meredith onto the gurney. He felt panic overtake him as Bailey placed a flow of oxygen over her passages.

"What's happening?" Derek's quivering voice boomed through the operating room.

"I've got it Dr. Shepherd," Bailey asserted as she rushed out of the room with George. He watched without breathing as they ran down the hall.

_**and I'll feel my world crumbling**_

_**I'll feel my life crumbling**_

_**I'll feel my soul crumbling away**_

_**and falling away**_

_**falling away with you**_

When Derek rushed out of the emergency room after Beth's surgery with the intent of finding Meredith, he ran straight into his best friend.

"What happened?" Derek breathed as he ripped off his scrub cap and squeezed it in a tight crumpled mess in his hands.

"I…" Mark shook his head. "I don't know. Bailey and the chief are with her now in the ICU. She's not waking up. They're stlll trying to revive her." Derek swallowed hard as he ran down the periphery of the hall, trying to avoid all attendants in the way. He felt tears spring to his eyes as he thought of the last things he had spoken to her. As he turned the corner into the next hall, he felt himself colliding with a poorly placed trashcan. It tipped over with a large thud and papers and other debris littered the floor. Derek came to a halt, and quickly ran his hand over the linoleum, trying to collect the debris in order to throw it back in the bin. He froze as his eyes flitted across a paper, stamped with a name he recognized.

Derek felt his throat grow dry as he picked up the paper and scanned over the black and white ink frantically. His eyes fell on a smooth piece of film that also littered the floor. It was from the same source. Derek picked up the manila folder, along with the sheet and rushed into an empty nearby exam room. He slammed the film he collected into place, and turned on the light. What he saw then horrified him. He ceased to breath as his eyes fell on the Neural Glioma evident in the MRI films, and then on the name that graced the film neatly on it's edges. Meredith Elizabeth Grey.

"Oh my god," Derek choked out as he felt his heart cease to beat. What he was experiencing seemed unreal. Almost like the worst nightmare imaginable.

"_She lied to me,"_ Derek thought in disbelief as his eyes flitted back and forth to all of the evidence in front of him. And then he finally understood. He now knew about why she had been so emotionally invested in the trial. It was because she needed him to find a way save her...without him ever knowing that's what he was doing... Because she more than likely knew that he wouldn't have be able to put his feelings aside. Not when it involved her. Derek closed his eyes as his head dropped into his hands. He should have known better. Because everyone knows that there is always something more to things than meets the eye. He felt the air in the room grow unbelievably cold as the chief walked slowly up behind him.

"I…I'm sorry," Richard uttered as he placed his hand softly on Derek's shoulder. "You weren't supposed to find out like this."

"When?" Derek choked out, "When was I supposed to find out?"

"She was…" Derek heard his boss lose control of his steady voice and turned to find a man as broken as himself, "Meredith wanted to tell you after you figured it out…after you found a treatment." Derek raked his hand through his hair.

"How long ago were these taken?" Derek breathed as he thought of the last few months.

"Derek," Webber sighed.

"How long...How long has she been hiding this from me?" Derek asked as he choked on his breath.

"That was the most recent scan," his boss revealed, "I think it was taken 3 weeks ago."

"Three weeks?" Derek whispered as he shook his head. "This is what her MRI looked like three weeks ago?"

"I'm so sorry," Webber apologized as he watched Derek wipe frantically at his eyes.

"You're sorry?" Derek choked out indignantly. "You're sorry?!" Derek let out a strangled sound. "God!..." his voice was high pitched and foreign sounding, "Is that supposed to make me feel better?!" Derek spoke as he chucked something across the room.

"Derek…" Richard tried softly.

"No!" Derek screamed, "Don't! You knew! You knew she was sick and you didn't tell me!"

"And just what was I supposed to do?" Webber yelled back. "You alienated her from you. And I …Meredith was trying to make it so you never even had to know. Derek, she isn't ready to leave yet."

"The trial didn't work!" Derek cried. "It's not working! How am I?... How am I supposed to do this?"

"You're not," Webber finally breathed. "Accept it, Derek. The trial was unsuccessful. There's nothing you can do."

"No," Derek shook his head. "There…there has to be something that I can do. Maybe I…maybe I gave up too easily. There's still Beth. I…I can't believe that it's over. Not yet."

"Derek," Webber sighed as he tried to come to terms with the reality. "It's too late. Now…now it's time for you to go say goodbye. You need to say goodbye to Meredith."

"No," Derek shook his head, "I won't…I won't say goodbye to Meredith. I can't…I can't ever lose her." They both turned as the door was wrenched open. Derek stood frozen in place as Rose stood in the doorway.

"Dr. Webber?" she stuttered as she gave a fleeting glance towards Derek.

"Yes, Rose?" he replied.

"Uh…I'm sorry to bother you," she continued to speak unevenly, "but Dr. Bailey wanted me to tell you that umm…" She finally ceased her babbling and uttered two words that sent Derek's world spinning even more upside down. "It's Meredith…she's awake." With those two words, Derek bolted from the room faster than he had ever done so before. Rose stood stock still as she watched Derek rush past her without a second thought, and rush down the hall towards the ICU.

_**staying awake to chase a dream**_

_**tasting the air you're breathing in**_

_**I know I won't forget a thing**_

Derek skidded to a halt just outside of the door to Meredith's room a moment later, where Bailey stood guarding the door.

"Let me in," Derek spoke in a strong voice, his eyes conveying the unbearable amount of pain he was truly in.

"Derek…" Bailey sighed, "I…I can't."

"No," Derek shook his head. "I don't think you understand. I have…" Derek began to lose his composure. "I have to see her." Bailey looked over towards the surrounding staff and let out a sigh.

"Okay," she conceded. "But Derek, it's bad. She's in pain. And she suffered a series of massive seizures. Meredith more than likely won't make it through the night." Derek swallowed.

"Not if I do the surgery," Derek spoke in a stern voice. He refused to give up now. It wasn't an option.

"Dr. Shepherd," Bailey tried to hold back the tears that came anyways, "All she wants now is to go in peace. She's on strong medicine. I can promise you that she won't suffer." Derek swallowed as he pushed down on the handle and walked inside. The room was dark as he walked slowly inside and padded across the bleached white floors. He sat down next to her bed. She looked so fragile and small. Derek found himself holding his breath as reached out and gently brushed her soft blonde hair from her face. He waited patiently as she slowly opened her eyes. She tried to smile for him, but instead it came across as some sort of grimace. And it broke his heart.

"Mere," Derek's voice was broken.

"Hey," Meredith exhaled weakly, before taking another breath. She closed her eyes as he grabbed her hand. And Derek let out a sob as he leant over the mattress of the bed and buried his face in her lap. "Der," Meredith panted again as she opened her eyes once again to watch him with a pained expression on her delicate features.

_**promise to hold you close and pray**_

_**watching the fantasies decay**_

_**nothing will ever stay the same**_

"Don't go," Derek whispered over and over again. "Mere, I love you. Please don't go." Meredith felt her heart break. There was nothing more that she wanted than to stay with him forever.

"I'm sorry," Meredith, muttered as she closed her eyes and choked on her breath, "But maybe…maybe it's better this way. This way I can't kill things anymore." Derek let out a sob as he thought of what her words implied. Meredith closed her eyes once more as she took a deep breath of oxygen. She found that her eyes hurt, even in the dim lighting of the room she was in.

"That's," Derek struggled, "That's not true." He clung to her even tighter. "You'll kill me. Without you…without you, I'll just die."

"Derek," Meredith sighed, wishing she could just reach out with her right hand and run it through his curls. "There is something more out there for you. Something better than me… It's just that you have to find it."

"No," Derek shook his head. "Just…have the surgery, Mere. Have the surgery and we can fix this. Please…." Derek begged with everything he had left. "Please…"

"No. There's no point," Meredith cried sadly, "It won't work." Derek watched as the first tears leaked from her eyes. Tears of sadness and guilt and about a million other things grazed his own cheeks.

"I… We don't know that," Derek argued in a choked breath, "With Beth…there's still a chance. She just has to wake up, and then... Then we'll know."

"Der," Meredith swallowed, "I'm so sorry." She spoke honestly, the words coming from her heart. He felt his heart break all over again as he realized just what she was apologizing for.

"Why?" Derek choked out in a scratchy voice as he clutched at his chest, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Would it honestly have mattered?" Meredith responded sadly.

_**all of the love we threw away**_

_**all of the hopes we cherished fade**_

_**making the same mistakes again**_

_**making the same mistakes again**_

"I…I don't know," Derek replied as he swallowed over the lump in his throat. It felt so unbelievably constricted. "Maybe…"

"Don't lie to yourself," Meredith reprimanded. "Derek, I love you. You know that if there was a way…"

"If you love me," Derek pleaded, "If you love me, then you have to let me try. One last time." Derek could no longer contain any of his emotions. "You have to let me try," Derek ordered as a group of onlookers lurked in the doorway.

"Derek," Meredith felt her chest tighten as she was struck by the weight of her emotions. She knew he wasn't going to be able to let her go. Not like this.

"Sign this," Derek shoved a consent form that had been lying on the counter nearby onto her lap. "Just consent and I…We'll do this." He waited on baited breath as she looked down at the form but didn't move.

"Mere?" his voice cracked finally.

"I…" Meredith stuttered, "I can't."

"What?" Derek's voice was still rough. "Mere," Derek asserted, "You can... Please! Please..."

"I can't write anymore," she breathed with a pause. "I can't move my right hand." Derek closed his eyes and a series of fresh tears leaked out. He opened them once more and placed the pen in her left. "Come on…" he begged as the pen hovered above the dotted line. She looked into his deep blue eyes for what seemed like forever, and Derek watched as the pen slowly began to work its way over the surface of the paper. He silently thanked whoever was watching over them.

"Okay," Derek breathed as he took the paper from her with great relief and determination. "Okay. Let's do this."

"Derek," Meredith coughed, "If…if I don't make it. I need you to know…"

_**I can feel my world crumbling**_

_**I can feel my life crumbling**_

_**I can feel my soul crumbling away**_

_**and falling away**_

_**falling away with you**_

"Don't," Derek pleaded, not sure if he could handle what she was about to say. "Meredith…I'm serious..."

"In my life…" she continued after a breath, "There has only been one person…"

"Meredith," Derek cried.

"I need to say this," she replied forcefully, "Look, the only reason I pushed you away..."

"Please," Derek begged, his heart shattering under her confession.

"The only reason that I didn't know how to be around you," Meredith said as more tears began to leak from her eyes.

"Mere," Derek breathed, "Please. It's time. We have to go."

"It's because I love you…so much. So much that it scares me. So much that I don't know how to…" At this point Derek cut her off.

"I know…" Derek nodded as he kissed her, "I know." He felt his heart break as Meredith kissed him back weakly. "I love you so much," Derek breathed.

"My will is in the bottom drawer of my dresser," Meredith gasped as she gazed at the others who collected in the doorway. Her friends looked nothing short of devastated as they waited for things to play out. They weren't ready to lose their friend and co-worker, either.

"No," Derek shook his head, "You don't get to do this…"

"If I don't make it…" Meredith choked, "We'll find each other. Derek, we'll always find each other." With that, she closed her eyes. Derek took the breaks off of her bed as Bailey, who had witnessed the whole conversation, rushed into the room. The residents moved quickly from the doorway as they began to help Derek move Meredith quickly.

"We have to go now," Derek yelled as they began the frantic race to the O.R.

_**all of the love we've left behind**_

_**watching the flash backs intertwine**_

_**memories I will never find**_

_**memories I will never find**_


	2. All Around Me

_**A/N: Wow...you guys! Seriously! Let me just say how floored I was by all of your comments. You guys are absolutely wonderful. I have never gotten a reaction like that to a story before, and didn't expect to. When I started writing this, I honestly had no idea of how people would receive the story. It was really just an idea that refused to leave my head so I put it down on paper. So anyhow, this is the next chapter. But I do want to address a couple things I feel bad about before I do. So please read. **_

_**First of all, I wanted to apologize because I know that some people were bothered by the fact that I used some dialogue from a scene between Sydney and Vaughn from Alias. I can promise you that it wasn't meant to offend or upset anyone. I honestly just love the couple (I watched the show for five years because I loved them so much) and feel as if the writing for them was beautiful. If you guys would really like me to, I will have no problem in changing it. Also, I do apologize to those who I made cry...especially when I didn't have a kleenex warning. I mean...I teared up when I wrote the thing. You think I would have known better. Lol. And finally...I only plan on writing three chapters for this story, but I was thinking that if someone really liked the story, or rather the finished product to be seen in the next chapter, that I can hand over the documents and that someone else can take over it or write a sequel. I would have made it longer myself. But I already have WAY too many stories up that I need to finish first. And I am working on those as well. I promise. And it's just like I said....I have some massive writer's block right now. Okay...I think that's everything. So without further procrastination, here it is! I really hope you enjoy! ****Oh! And just as an afterthought, you may want to keep a kleenex near for this chapter as well. I mean I sort of teared up again while writing it...but that's really not saying too much because I'm kind of a softy.**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own grey's or any of its characters! I write purely as a hobby in my crazy life!**_

_**Falling Away With You**_

_**Chapter 2: All Around Me!  
**_

It had been forty-eight hours. Forty-eight long, excruciating and torturous hours since Meredith had come out of surgery, and not a sign of life was evident in her, as she lay motionless on the hospital bed before him. Derek had harldy moved himself, as sat crumpled in a chair next to her, his throat burning with every thought and regret that he knew he might never have the chance to address. He hadn't moved in countless hours, and his hand clung onto hers tightly, exploring each line and texture of her smooth skin. His hands tingled from the constant spark produced between them and he swore that he could feel her pulse racing through her fingertips. He was dying slowly inside every minute that she refused to open her eyes for him. He wanted to kiss her so badly, and know that she could return it. He wanted to be able to be with her again...to truly be with her.

_**My hands are searching for you**_

_**My arms are outstretched towards you**_

_**I feel you on my fingertips**_

_**My tongue dances behind my lips for you**_

His anxious eyes remained transfixed on her, as he watched a tube breath for her now. He busied his thoughts over the hours with the massive number of tangled wires, monitoring her heart and countless other organs that she needed to survive. He refused to look away as the door opened, and a faceless body soon entered. He watched as Mark plopped down into the chair across from him.

_**This fire rising through my being**_

_**Burning I'm not used to seeing you**_

_**I'm alive, I'm alive**_

"Buddy," Mark spoke in a tentative voice, afraid he might say something to upset Derek further, "You haven't moved from that chair in 48 hours… Maybe. Maybe you should think about going to get something to eat. Or finding somewhere to lay down."

"No," Derek replied gruffly as he ran his hand over his bloodshot eyes.

"Derek," Mark tried again.

"Just go away, Mark!" Derek spoke losing his patience. "I'm not leaving. Okay?"

_Time of death," Meredith muttered with the clearing of her throat as she announced Grace's final moment. Her throat began to burn as tears began to seep into small pools in either eye. She quickly turned away and walked out into the hall. She was trying to feel numb as she turned out into the hall…but she lost it. Her breaths began to come out in staggered silent cries. From where Derek looked on behind her in the hallway, he could immediately tell something was wrong. He began to follow her and froze as he watched her slip into a closet nearby. Meredith was struggling to breath as Derek opened the door and walked inside. He felt his heart break at the hurt he saw on her features. She was in pain…a lot of pain. He quickly came to a crouch at her side. Her cries were coming in squeaks now._

"_I don't…" Meredith began to sob, "I can't…I can't…I don't." Derek was dying to touch her and pull her into his arms. He wanted to comfort her. "I can't…" she tried again a little more calm, "I don't want my mother to die alone!" She sobs were heavy once more, her body shaking under her confession and Derek tried to choke back his own tears._

"_Slow down," Derek whispered nearly too quiet to be heard as she choked on the air in her own lungs. "Shh…slow down. Mere, you need to take slower breaths." He gave up as she continued to struggle, and reached up to grab a paper bag from the shelving above._

"_Use this," Derek offered as he handed her the bag, "slow down…" He felt as she grabbed his hand, and squeezed in hard in her hand as if he were his rock. He wanted to tell her how much he loved her. He watched as she finally began to calm down. Her head fell onto his shoulder, and for a moment, he felt complete again. He wanted to stay like that with her forever, but before he knew it, she was pulling away. _

"_I'm okay," Meredith breathed quietly as they stared at each other for a long moment. _

"_You're okay," Derek repeated softly, his voice warm._

"_Thank you," Meredith smiled softly as neither or them were able to look away._

"_You're welcome," Derek replied. His eyes lingered on her lips. He wanted to kiss her so badly, but he sat still as she stood and walked to the door. There were so many things he wanted for Meredith. In that moment, he made a promise that neither Meredith…nor her mother, would even have to know what it was like to die alone. So far, Derek had kept part of his promise. He wasn't about to break the other._

Derek's voice was rough as his head fell into his hands. "I made a promise a long time ago that I wouldn't leave her. I'm not going to let her die alone. I'm not going to leave her." Mark let out a sympathetic sigh.

"Is that what you think?" Mark spoke sadly as he took in his broken friend, "That she'll die if you leave."

"She's not waking up," Derek choked as the weight of his emotions all became too much for him. "I don't understand," he muttered as tears leaked from his eyes. "Beth… Beth woke up. Why won't Meredith?"

"Derek," another voice sounded softly from the doorway as his boss stepped in. "Beth is not Meredith. Circumstances are different. Mere was down for over twenty minutes after you injected the virus. You know what that means." Derek shook his head.

"I've checked her EEG over and over again. I haven't noticed any irregularities, and levels are constant. There is no logical reason why she hasn't woken up. I…I can't think of any reason why she won't open her eyes." Derek let out a sob. "Maybe I…maybe I need to go back in to try and remove the tumor….just get rid of it all. Maybe then…then she'll wake up." Mark looked at his friend with slight pity.

_**I can feel you all around me**_

_**Thickening the air I'm breathing**_

_**Holding on to what I'm feeling**_

_**Savoring this heart that's healing**_

"One surgery was enough, Derek," Richard said softly. "I don't think…I don't think Meredith could handle another surgery."

"Is the tumor still shrinking?" Derek asked worriedly, thinking he hadn't checked in a while.

"Derek," his best friend sighed, "You just looked at her scans twenty minutes ago." Derek was silent for a moment as he contemplated what that meant. A machine began to go off behind them and Derek jumped to his feet before Mark or Richard could even make a move towards it.

"No," Derek muttered as his eyes scanned the levels of her kidney output. "No…"

"What is it?" his boss asked as Derek thrust the piece of information into his hands.

"She's suffering from a severe infection," Derek choked out through gritted teeth." Webber looked over the page and Derek took notice of how his expression aged as he did so. "And Her kidneys are shutting down," Derek replied with a clenched jaw. "She could go into multi organ system failure."

"Derek," Webber tried to maintain calm, "We'll treat her for the infection and will put her on dialysis. Just because her kidneys are failing doesn't mean that it will automatically cause the rest of her body to shut down." Webber continued to speak. But his words were lost as the broken and catatonic blue-eyed neurosurgeon momentarily walked out of the room. Mark shared a look of worry with Richard. It was a moment later that they heard a cry of agony erupt from out in the hall.

_**My hands float up above me**_

_**And you whisper you love me**_

_**And I begin to fade**_

_**Into our secret place**_

_**The music makes me sway**_

_**The angels singing say we are alone with you**_

_**I am alone and they are too with you**_

From where she looked on from the outside, Lexie felt her heart break as Derek nearly collapsed onto the floor outside of the room. His hands were supporting him as he lent against the wall. His body shook uncontrollably. It was a visual she knew that she would never be able to forget. She tried to look away, but ultimately couldn't will herself to do so. Meredith's condition was ripping the hospital apart.

_**I can feel you all around me**_

_**Thickening the air I'm breathing**_

_**Holding on to what I'm feeling**_

_**Savoring this heart that's healing**_

"Derek," Lexie whispered as she walked over.

"I'm sorry," Derek apologized as he tried desperately to compose himself.

"Hey," she spoke softly as she grazed his arm. "It'll be okay. You just have to have faith…"

"Faith," Derek muttered over and over again.

"Just give it more time," Lexie spoke. "The drop-off point is 72 hours… If she doesn't wake up by then, that's the time to start to worry. But don't give up on her now."

"I need you to do me a favor," Derek spoke softly as he looked deeply into Lexie's eyes, which looked eerily similar to Meredith's.

"Yeah," Lexie nodded.

"Stay with her for me," Derek pleaded. "And I mean it. Don't leave her side…"

"Okay," Lexie nodded, "Are you going somewhere?"

"Yeah," Derek spoke softly, "There is something I have to do." Derek walked quickly through the dim halls in the middle of the night in a part of the hospital he rarely visited.

_**And so I cry**_

_**The light is white**_

_**And I see you**_

His heart was beating fast in his chest as he got closer to his destination. A deep breath fell from his lips as his hand reached out to grasp the handle and he wrenched the door open. He stepped in. From behind the desk, Dr. Wyatt observed him carefully. It was clear that he was an emotional wreck.

"Dr. Wyatt," Derek hardly breathed, "I need to talk to you."

"Come in," she bid as she nodded towards the door. Derek read the gesture and sealed himself inside. "Sit down," she offered and watched as he collapsed into the chair from across her desk.

"I wasn't supposed to know," Derek spoke finally as the psychiatrist looked on patiently. "I wasn't supposed to know that Meredith has been seeing you. But I do…and now. Now I need to talk to you. I need you to be honest with me when I ask you...."

"Dr. Shepherd," Wyatt sighed. She had known Meredith's situation backwards and forwards. She had made excellent progress, but none of it could prevent the inevitable.

"It's Derek," his blue eyes were soft as he forced a smile. "I'm sure you know more about me than I'd like to think. So please…call me Derek."

"Okay," the blonde muttered as she readjusted her glasses. "Derek, you know I'd like to tell you whatever I can to help make this situation better, But the fact is, all of my sessions with Meredith are confidential."

"And I know," Derek stressed voice replied, "I know that. But can you tell me if there would be any reason…any reason at all, why Meredith wouldn't want to wake up." Derek shook his head in embarrassment as tears began to leak from his eyes once more. He averted his eyes from Wyatt's stare as he wiped them away. "Because I need her to wake up. I don't know that will happen if she doesn't…if I don't get a chance to make things right again." Dr. Wyatt watched him closely. All of his words were genuine. "And I know…I know Meredith probably told you about how big of a screw up I am. And it's true. I am. I'm a big one. I screwed up. I messed up with Rose…and Addison. But I need. I need to fix this."

"In answer to your question," Wyatt replied quietly, deciding to have sympathy for him. "No… No. There wouldn't be any reason Meredith isn't waking up except for the fact that she is sick, Derek. I understand how you would be worried that it might be due to some other factor. But Derek, I'll be honest in saying that Meredith and I made some real progress." Derek nodded.

"Do I have a chance?" Derek asked with a bit of vulnerability evident in his eyes. "With Mere?"

"I can't answer that," Wyatt replied.

"Please," Derek begged as his head fell into his hands.

"I could already get fired for the things I've said. Derek," she sighed, "I'm sorry, but I just can't. That's something you are going to have to figure out for yourself." For a moment Derek was still and Dr. Wyatt became concerned.

"I have to…" Derek stuttered absentmindedly, "I have to get back."

"You should," Wyatt sighed. She could tell how much this man loved Meredith. It killed her inside to see him so ripped apart by this.

"Can I ask you one more question?" Derek asked as he paused at the door.

"Sure," Wyatt nodded as she stood up.

"Did you know?" Derek asked softly, "Did Meredith tell you?"

"No," she shook her head, "I found out through her chart. She wouldn't have told me otherwise." Derek nodded.

"Did she find out before or after the trial?" Derek inquired on the off chance she would tell him.

"Ironically," Wyatt sighed, "It was after. Look, Meredith has always been about saving lives, Derek. And…if it turns out that Beth is the only one that you could save. Then I know, that it would still have been worth it for her."

"Thank you," Derek breathed as he opened the door and slipped out. He walked quickly back to his office and began searching for anything that he may have missed, or for any physiological reason why Meredith hadn't woken up yet. He began to kneed at his eyes as they began to hurt from looking at his small computer screen. After struggling with consciousness for a good half hour. He fell onto his desk with a clatter of the keyboard.

_They were lying in bed at Meredith's house, the pink tinted sheets still damp from the glistening sweat that had been displaced from their bodies._

"_This is the best break up ever," Meredith claims as her chest bobbed up and down. She was still trying to recover from their activities. Derek couldn't help but laugh at this revelation._

"_I don't know why we didn't break-up along time ago," Derek chuckled softly as he reached over to turn of the lamp, and then began to snuggle up to her. _

"_What're you doing?" Meredith asked cutely as she tried to push him away ever so slightly._

"_Sleeping," Derek replied tersely as he rolled over slightly and settled into the bed._

"_Nuh uh," Meredith finally voiced, "No, sleepovers."_

"_Yes," Derek argued. "Come on, please," Derek requested with his fatigue evident in his voice, "It's three in the morning, I got to work tomorrow." Meredith, however, would have nothing more._

"_We agreed," She replied sternly, "no sleepovers!" She looked at Derek in a reprimanding way, "Broken-up people don't sleep over. Sex only, it's the only part of the relationship that works."_

"_Oh, I know," Derek teased, "And why screw it up with everything else, right? Dinner, conversations, sleepovers."_

"_You're mocking my severe emotional limitations," Meredith replied with feigned hurt._

"_You know, I can live without conversations, I can live between meals, and sleepovers... we shouldn't have sleepovers because you snore." Both of them burst out into laughter at the truth in that sentence. "Mockery, mockery, that's the deal breaker," Derek said happily as Meredith wove her fingers into his._

"_Okay," Meredith smiled in agreement, "sex and mockery it is." Derek let out a soft moan as he leant into her and they started kissing once more._

Derek let out a groan as he felt something rather uncomfortable and solid beneath him. He rolled over and fell back into a deep sleep.

_Derek was waiting for the elevator when Meredith ran up excitedly. Derek looked her with a soft look in his eyes. Mark's words from earlier that day continued to echo in his head over and over._

"_So," Meredith smiled. "I got Alex to cover for me so I can leave right after I round on my patients. 48 uninterrupted hours!"_

"_Yeah," Derek swallowed, as his voice became hesitant, "Yeah um… You know, maybe this is not a good weekend." Derek let out a sigh._

"_What did Lexie say bout me?" Meredith asked assuming that was the problem._

"_She didn't say anything," Derek spoke with frustration as he raked a hand through his hair. "I did all the talking. Oh, don't blame her." Derek continued knowing Meredith was upset about the fact that he was talking to her sister._

"_So what?" Meredith asked with confusion, "__you're friends with my sister now? I mean… you talked to the other Grey about me?"_

"_You know what I talked about with the other Grey? All the things that this Grey won't let me say." Derek replied finally voicing how he felt._

"_You can say anything to me," Meredith argued._

"_Okay," Derek nodded, deciding that it was his shot. "__I want to marry you." Derek began, "I want to have kids with you. I want to build us a house. I want to settle down and grow old with you. I want to die when I'm 110 years old, in your arms." Derek paused as he thought of what to say next, "Mere, I don't want 48 uninterrupted hours. I want a lifetime." He watched as the look in her eyes transformed right before his eyes "Mmm," Derek smiled as he tried not to take it personally. "Do you see what happens?" he asked softly, "I say things like that and you fight the urge to run in the opposite direction." He saw as the look on her face transformed into something different, "It's okay, I understand. I didn't, but now I do, I do. You're just getting started and I've been doing this for a long time now. Deep down, you're still an intern, and you're not ready."_

"_I'm not ready right now, but things can stay the way they are and I'll get ready," Meredith said honestly, hoping that she could._

"_Things can't stay the way they are," Derek said as he thought about what only having pieces of her was doing to him, "We can still meet in the elevator, the on call room. And maybe you'll get ready, and I'll wait. I'll wait until you're ready."_

"_Okay then," Meredith agreed._

"_Yeah, but what if," Derek stuttered, "what if while I'm waiting I meet someone who is ready to give me what I want from you?" Derek asked this in a way as if he were thinking out loud. He still hoped to get a reaction from her._

"_What if you do?" Meredith asked as the elevator finally arrived and the doors peeled open with a small clatter._

"_I don't know." Was all that Derek could bring himself to reply as he clambered onto the elevator and the doors clambered shut between them._

Derek jolted awake, his memory of that day still racing through his mind. Why had he doubted her so much? Had it been because he had been afraid? Afraid of losing her? He was now beginning to realize how she had slipped away from him. His pager began to go off on his hip and his heart stopped. Derek stumbled to his feet, limping awkwardly to the door as the pins and needles in his leg overtook his ability to walk.

When Derek first arrived to the ICU, the first thing he recalled was the screaming. There was a frantic rush in hall in front of Meredith's room. Derek froze as he watched people running in every direction. Without thought, Derek rushed into the room to find Bailey administering charges to Meredith's chest. Webber was screaming on the other half of the room.

"Derek!" Webber's voice sounded like an echo as Derek stood frozen, watching all of the chaos around him. "Derek!" Webber tried again, and Derek's head jerked towards his boss. Derek walked numbly over to him. Sobs building in the back of his throat.

"What's happening?" Derek whispered as he heard Bailey get Meredith's heartbeat back.

"I…I don't know," Richard stuttered. "Her intracranial pressure skyrocketed. She's been seizing for the past 30 minutes."

"Oh god," Derek choked out as he shook his head. He looked at the levels that were off the charts, and knew that Meredith would die if he didn't do something.

"We have to operate," Derek swallowed, "I need to take out the tumor before the virus reverts back to its original form… It could kill her…. I…I need you to understand."

"I'll go secure an O.R," Webber nodded as he rushed out of the room.

Within minutes, Meredith was back on the operating table. He looked towards Bailey for a moment and they locked eyes.

"I need…I need a minute," Derek requested, and Bailey gave a nob before walking to the other half of the Operating Room. Rose looked on sadly from the gallery as she watched her ex whisper something into Meredith's ear. He grasped her hand gently as he did so.

_**I can feel you all around me**_

_**Thickening the air I'm breathing**_

_**Holding on to what I'm feeling**_

_**Savoring this heart that's healing**_

"Mere," Derek's choked whisper diffused through his mask. "I know there isn't anything I can say…or do to make you come back for me. But I," Derek's voice broke as he thought of the possibility that this might be it. She was incredibly fragile, and he knew that opening her up could very well cause her premature death. "I…have to tell you. I still want everything that I spoke about before. I want to marry you. I want to have kids with you. I want to build a house. And God…I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with you… I can feel you everywhere, Mere. I feel you on me all the time. I know what it feels like to kiss you, to touch you. But it's honestly not enough. I want to be selfish and demand you stay. I'm not done. I'm not done loving you yet. I need you to know… I need you to know those things and come back to me. Because I promise…I promise that I won't screw it up again. I…I love you."

_**Take my hand**_

_**I give it to you**_

_**Now you own me**_

_**All I am**_

_**You said you would never leave me**_

_**I believe you**_

_**I believe**_

_**A/N: Alright, so that's the next chapter. We still haven't seen much progress made on the part of Meredith, but Derek is doing everything that he can. I can't promise anything, but I will try to have the third (EPIC) chapter done this weekend. Prolly friday afternoon! Thanks a ton for reading! Like I said...you guys are amazing!  
**_


	3. Curl Up and Die

_**A/N: Okay...so I did you all one better. I had promised to post by friday, but due to the fact that I got the flu and had to take a day off, you get the chapter a bit early. So...lucky you! And not so lucky me... Anyhow, thank you all so much for all of the amazing reviews. This will be the final chapter of the story. I'd like to make it clear that the offer still stands. I know I didn't get any responses, but if someone would like to continue the story, then I'll be willing to hand over the documents for it. I think there is a way to do that anyway. So yeah...this chapter is quite dramatic. And there may be some need for tissues as usual. I know that I bawled during tonight's episode of Grey's while I was writing this chapter. I really hope you guys like this last chapter...and hopefully you'll still review even if it's complete. Let me just say that I appreciate all of your support. It's been a pleasure. And now, without further ado, here is the conclusion!**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own grey's or any of its characters**_

_**Falling Away With You**_

_**Chapter 3: Curl up and die!**_

Derek wiped the sweat from his brow for the hundredth time as he slaved over Meredith's open skull. He was about to clip the tumor, but had to pull back as his hands began to shake.

"Damn it," Derek swore under his breath as he tried to calm himself. He set the instruments down on the tray and began to try to shake out the tensions overtaking the whole of his body.

_**I don't like the steps I took**_

_**To get to look**_

_**Into your deepest feelings**_

"Dr. Shepherd," Bailey addressed him quietly, "Is everything alright?"

"I can't," Derek, breathed, unbelievably ashamed that he couldn't handle this. He had never hesitated during a surgery before. "I just…can't," Derek choked. His breathing became heavy as he looked down at the floor. He felt himself on the verge of a breakdown when he felt a hand grasp his and give it a squeeze. He glanced over to see, Miranda standing next to him.

_**I don't like the place I'm in**_

_**Headspace within the hardwood and the ceiling**_

"You can do it," she encouraged. But to this Derek only shook his head.

"I need you to do it," Derek requested softly. The rest of those in the room looked on in confusion.

"What?" Bailey was unprepared for this request. "Dr. Shepherd, I'm a general surgeon."

"I know," Derek nodded as he closed his eyes, "But I trust you…and I need you to do this for me." Bailey sighed as she nudged him aside.

"Okay," Bailey choked, "But you had better talk me through this…because if I kill her I will never be able to forgive myself or you."

"Yeah," Derek swallowed as he thought of just what he was asking. Bailey had hit it right on the head. He was asking her to take the blame if something happened. "Okay…so," Derek cleared his throat. "We need to clip the tumor, and get it out. She was seizing because the tumor was hemorrhaging and causing a swelling of the brain." He began to instruct Bailey step by step, and watched as she performed the skills flawlessly. This is why he admired her so. Before he knew it, the tumor was out, and they began to fix any residual bleeding. Derek let out a sigh of relief as they cleared out the debris. She was still alive.

"What's her intracranial pressure at?" Derek asked as he looked at the monitor.

"It's good," Rose replied timidly as she looked at the monitor. Derek briefly looked up and locked eyes with Rose, who looked sad.

"Then let's close," Derek spoke as he took over once again, and began to finish up the surgery. He was prepared to take Meredith back up to the ICU but Cristina rushed in.

"I got it," She said as she and a group of others including, Izzie, George, and Alex, began to move Meredith back up towards the ICU.

"No," Derek spoke forcibly, "I got it,"

"Derek," Bailey's voice was soft, "It's okay." Derek watched as her friends wheeled her out of the operating room. With a sigh he walked into the scrub room and began to strip off his garb.

**_Cause if I'm restless_**

**_Then why do I_**

**_I want nothing but to rest my soul_**

He turned around to find Rose walking in to the room. She looked at Derek for a moment, before stuttering.

"I…I'm sorry," Rose stuttered as she began to walk out.

"No," Derek choked, "Rose…stay." Rose looked at him softly.

"Derek," she sighed, "I can't…I…I'm sorry. I just look at you. I watch you…. and I know…I know that you never loved me. You love Meredith. And now I'm the one that feels guilty because she could die before you even have a chance to spend another moment with her."

"I'm sorry," Derek apologized as he felt his throat began to burn. "I'm sorry that I lied to you. That I told you I was over her…because that couldn't have been further from the truth. I tried…I tried to like you Rose. I really did. And you're an amazing person whose going to make someone very lucky some day. But like I said earlier when we ended things…Meredith…she's my world."

"I know," Rose nodded sadly, "And I understand. Derek, if you ever need someone…a friend. You know I'm here for you."

"Thank you," Derek nodded with a weak smile.

"And for what it's worth. It's always been you and Meredith. And it always will be. She'll pull through. I have a feeling. Just…be happy, Derek. Make everything of the time you have." And with that, Rose left the room without another word. Derek walked quickly up to the ICU.

_**And I don't get this and I know why**_

_**You see sometimes things are just beyond control**_

Derek walked into the room to find Meredith in worse shape than she was before. This could not be happening. She had made it through two surgeries, and yet barely. He wasn't sure if he could wait any longer. He plopped down in the chair next to her bed as Izzie sat down next to him. "She'll make it," Izzie whispered so quietly only that he could hear, even though there were several people in the room. "Derek, she'll come back for you."

Long after the rest of the residents left the room, Derek stayed; he looked up at the clock and closed his eyes as he began to realize what it meant. She had an hour. 60 minutes to wake up.

Derek grabbed Meredith's hand.

"Please," Derek panted as his breathing became heavier. "Please…." He felt as his heart began to pound in his chest, heavier and heavier. It shocked him at its rapid pace. Sweat began to pour down his face as he thought about what the rest of his life would be like if she was gone. He thought of himself five years from now…days from now. If Meredith didn't make it, he would have to leave. There would be no way…no way that he could stay and function. Every inch of this hospital contained a memory of her. He let out a staggered breath as he felt his chest tighten and then pain.

_**Clinging to the remnants of perfection**_

_**Like most do after they break it**_

_**Not knowing which directions the correct one**_

_**Do I discard or remake it?**_

"Derek?" Webber's voice was strong as walked into the room to find Derek hunched over in the chair next to Meredith's bed.

"It hurts," Derek cried rather loudly as he clawed at his chest with his free hand. "God, it hurts."

"Derek," his boss reprimanded, "calm down. Take a deep breath. You're having a panic attack."

"An hour…" Derek muttered as he hunched over even more, and looked at where Meredith remained still and unresponsive. "She has an hour. I can't…. It's not enough time. I need more. It's not enough time."

"No," Webber agreed, "it's not." After a few minutes Derek managed to calm down. "Derek, I need to talk to you about something else."

"What…what is it?" Derek choked out.

"Her chart," Richard paused, "says she's DNR. We have to pull her off of life support after 72 hours."

"No," Derek protested, whispering it over and over again as if that would make it true, "that…that can't be right. She…she wouldn't have signed a DNR."

"She did," Webber, said softly, "I don't think you know how much pain she was in for the last three months, Derek. Every. Single. Day. I'm not going to make her suffer any longer."

"Oh god," Derek breathed as the reality set in.

_**And I feel fine**_

_**But I know the same does not apply to you**_

_**I know the same does not apply to you**_

_**So I guess that I'll curl up and die, too**_

"I'll give you some more time alone with her." Webber walked out of the room just as suddenly as he had came. Derek stood up, and carefully moved Meredith's feather light body aside, before climbing in behind her. He held onto her and closed his eyes as he began to cry. He began to whisper stories of their time together in her ear. Events from the time they met…and were happy.

Before he knew it, the hour was up, and a flood of people filtered into the room. Derek felt Bailey's hand brush his shoulder.

"It's time," Derek stated in unbearable pain as he looked to the clock. The only thing Bailey could do is nod.

_Cause if I don't know then I don't know_

_But I may know someone that knows me more than I_

_And if I somehow could rest this soul_

_Maybe control could find its way back to my life_

"Miranda," Derek choked, "If you pull the plug. You're killing her. She's strong enough…she just needs more time. She needs more time to make it on her own."

"You know that's not how it works," Bailey sighed, "Derek I'm so sorry. If you don't want to watch I'll understand." Derek had initially thought that he would be strong enough for this, but as he listened to Meredith's friends say her goodbyes, he couldn't take it anymore.

_**Yeah I'll curl up with you**_

_**Until I die with you**_

He left the room without looking back. He headed over to Joe's to get a head start on drowning out the next chapter of his life. Luckily, his goodbyes had already been said.

Hours had gone by when Derek felt a presence next to him. He looked over to find his best friend.

"Is this where you really want to be?" Mark asked simply. "Derek, the chief is looking for you."

"I don't care," Derek spoke indifferently.

"I thought that you weren't going to let her die alone," Mark spoke tentatively.

"I thought so too," Derek whispered with shame, "But I guess I was wrong. I'm a coward. I couldn't handle it."

"Buddy," Mark shook his head, "You have to stop this. You have to stop running when things get hard. If you learn only one thing from Meredith…then that should be it."

"Meredith's gone," Derek broke out into sobs as tears began to flow from his cheeks and drip onto the counter.

"No she's not," Mark replied and Derek's head shot towards him.

"What?" Derek choked as he frantically wiped away his tears. "Is this a sick joke?"

"No," Mark shook his head. "She's breathing on her own. She's still fighting." Derek jumped up from the table and ran as fast as he could, knowing that he couldn't stay and wait. That he needed to be with Meredith. He arrived at her room, and Lexie looked up from where she had been watching her sister battle for life.

"Hey," Derek whispered as he sat in the opposite chair.

"76 hours," Lexie whispered, "It's been 76 hours and she's still here."

"That doesn't mean she's going to wake up," Derek spoke pessimistically.

"Well," Lexie began, "With an attitude like that…its no wonder. I thought you were supposed to be on her side." Lexie spoke too soon, for in seconds a high panicked beeping sounded on the monitor, followed by a monotonous flatline.

"No!" Derek shouted as he jumped up. "No…" He began compressions as Lexie called out.

"Derek!" she cried as tears sprang to the corners of her eyes, "Derek, you have to stop. She's DNR." But Derek didn't hear her. All he could think about was saving the love of his life. There was no way that he could let her go.

"Come on!" Derek grunted as he pushed down hard on her chest. "You don't get to do this, Mere. Stay with me…I need you. Stay with me."

"Derek!" Lexie called as she tried to pull him away, but he was too strong.

"If you love me," Derek begged as tears fell onto the thin blankets that covered Meredith's pale form, "If you love me…fight. Stay with me!" It was twenty or so minutes later Derek when Derek was pulled away. Webber pulled him away from the love of his life.

"Derek," he whispered, "You have to let her go." Derek let out another sob. "She's not going to come back." Derek's throat was burning as sobs erupted from the very core of his being. His soul. Lexie was crying herself as Bailey ran into the room. Derek's head was in his hands, his body shaking violently when he heard something that seemed impossible. A single beep sounded from the monitor beside her bed. Lexie was the first to speak.

Y_**eah I'll curl up with you yeah my baby, yeah my darlin'**_

_**Until I die with you…**_

"Was that a…?" Lexie's voice was dry and cracked as she looked up to see another wave move across the screen. Another beep sounded. At first Derek thought it was a dream, that he was imagining what was happening. But as he looked up, another beep sounded.

"Heartbeat?" Webber finished as all of their eyes became transfixed on the machine.

"She's alive," Bailey whispered in shock. They were all in shock. "Well, I'll be damned." Derek watched as Meredith let out a cough. Her chest shooting up in the air as air was sucked into her now bruised lungs. She let out another cough, followed by a groan. Bailey watched as Derek grabbed her hand. They sat watching on baited breath for a few minutes. Derek watched as her eye lids began to twitch ever so slightly. And moments later, they opened. Her eyelids peeled open slowly…almost as if she were a newborn doing so for the first time. Derek felt the breath sucked from his own lungs as he saw green for the first time in what seemed like forever. She blinked a few times slowly in order to adjust, and squinted in the dim light, almost as if she were completely unused to the sensation of sight.

"Meredith?" Derek's voice was broken, though still incredibly soft and warm as he spoke her name. It took her a moment to register someone had spoke. It seemed like her senses were in delay. She turned her head towards where Derek sat. With a smile Derek reached out and grazed her cheek. She did the same and mirrored his movements. He waited for her first words.

"Why…why are you crying?" she breathed softly as if it were something unjustified. Derek felt as she wiped away his tears.

"No reason," Derek lied, trying to cover up the pain he had been in just moments before. Meredith gave him a quizzical look. "I...I'm just happy," Derek replied honestly. He was happy that god had given him another chance. It was a gift.

"Did it…work?" Meredith asked slowly as she looked around. "The surgery?" She looked over at her right hand for a moment before it rose ever so slowly into the air. Meredith was now crying too as she felt the joy that a renewed life brought.

"Yeah," Derek smiled, "It worked…the tumor is out. You're going to make a full recovery."

"Wow," Meredith breathed as a smile slipped onto her features, albeit, she still looked very weak and frail.

"Yeah," Derek replied in the same manner. He was in shock as well.

"Beth too?" Meredith asked.

"She woke up a while ago," Derek replied, "She's doing just fine. She was quite worried about you though."

"Well," Meredith sighed, "I suppose a congratulations are in order. I'm sure Rose will be very proud of you." Derek let out a deep sigh.

"Rose," Derek repeated.

"Yeah," Meredith spoke happily, "She must be thrilled."

"And you aren't?" Derek asked softly, with a vulnerability that Bailey had never seen before, as she looked on from the other half of the room.

"Or course I am," Meredith tried to laugh. He could tell that it hurt, probably from the compressions he had performed just minutes before. "Me and my currently beating heart thank you most graciously." Derek let out a laugh for the first time in as long as he could remember.

"Mere," Derek breathed as he let the love in his eyes shine through for her.

"Do you think they'll call it the Shepherd method?" Meredith asked cutely. Derek smiled and let out a sigh at the same time.

"That or the Shepherd-Grey method," Derek replied.

"Naw," she teased, "Now why would they do that when I was unconscious for half of the important stuff."

"Maybe its because I couldn't have done it without you," Derek replied honestly before he leant in and kissed her. He felt Meredith deepen the kiss for just a moment before pulling away.

"Rose," Meredith panted, "What about Rose?" Derek smiled.

"You mean you didn't hear me when I was talking to you earlier?"

"No," Meredith shook her head. "What did you say?"

"A million things," Derek confessed, "But what you need to know is…that I'm sorry, and that I love you. I still want everything with you. I want a lifetime. And this time…this time I'll wait for as long as you need. I'll do things right. I broke up with Rose. I don't want to spend my life with anyone else but you."

"You stayed," Meredith smiled innocently, partly in shock as well. "You stayed with me."

"Of course I did," Derek smiled. "I've been here. I love you."

"I love you too," Meredith smiled. She looked at Derek for a long moment. His eyes were the deepest blue she had ever seen. She felt like she was home. Perhaps she would never tell him how close she came to not coming back.

"What?" Derek whispered as he wondered why she was looking at him like she was.

"Thank you," She said finally.

"For…for what?" Derek stuttered as he placed a kiss to her hand.

"For saving me, silly," Meredith said with a glint in her eyes, "And for being my knight in shining whatever."

"Meredith," Derek teased, "When are you going to understand that I'll always be your night in shining armor?" He kissed her again, very softly, and sensually.

"Someday," Meredith teased back with a great deal of warmth in her eyes, "Maybe…"

"Well," Bailey sighed, feeling like an intruder, "Welcome back Grey. We missed you."

_**A/N: So it's been an honor! Hopefully you guys like the way I ended the story. Frankly, I came ridiculously close to killing her, and changed my mind at the last minute. I couldn't bring myself to be so cruel. So hopefully you still enjoyed it... I'm kind of nervous about it actually. Please let me know what you think of the finished product! Please Read and Review!**_


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